DAVAI: A Day in Life of Three Bored Men
As dust settles down after an endless hot summer night in Tel Aviv and merciless sun crawls toward the roofs of the skyscrapers, three middle-aged human beings dressed in drinkers’ rags, wearing rappers’ gold chains and guest-workers’ gold teeth, totter to their usual place. It’s here, in Florentin, between construction sites, graffiti artists’ sheds, one-night stands, one-man bars and one-dancer night clubs, where the 3-men drinking/hangover healing spot is located. Lyosha, Vitalik and Fedya deeply hate intoxicated mornings like this one, but every single weekend the story repeats itself.
None of them ever dare coming empty-handed. Fedya’s dragging a huge black box he just found in the trash, Lyosha decided to treat the friends with a shashlik made of rubber chicken and fish.
Vitalik, the leader of the gang, brings stuff in his luxury roaring motorcycle: a bottle of pink drinking petrol to treat the hangover, a golden toilet bowl for the most pleasant throw-up experience in the world. He would also bring a washing machine, but Fedya and Lyosha didn’t want the boss to get tired, so they carried this important piece of picnic equip themselves.
Finally, everything’s ready to celebrate the dull morning. Vitalik sips some petrol. When he recthes, somehow a fire bursts from his mouth. That’s a fire of anger and disappointment mixed with yesterday’s fake Absolut vodka. Lyosha sets Vitalik’s motorcycle on fire to cook the rubber BBQ. He knows the best recipe and it’s better to stay away from the chef as he cooks. Fedya jumps atop washing machine and starts singing a rap song. Everyone hates the song but can’t resist taking over the tune which goes like this: “Mama-mama maya! Mama-mama tvaya!”.
Middle-aged bored rappers are singing about their difficult but rewarding life at DAVAI - a huge construction company they own, which is busy building highly over-priced real estate all over Northern, Western and Eastern Tel Aviv, including its upper lands and lower lands. Famous DAVAI Tower located in the heart of Florentin district hosts the headquarters of the company, and most of the time the three men spend their working days there, thinking over investment plans, making important strategical decisions.
As the song progresses, it becomes clear that life at DAVAI is flourishing. Twelve new floors are being built every week, millions of dollars get buried in the ground, about a dozen of weaker competitors get thrown out of business every month (and buried in the ground). The guys work hard. They deserve a truly good rest.
Money is not an issue for the gentlemen. They can afford inviting best and most expensive photographer, videographer, dronographer, chronographer and choreographer to cover the day in their life. It’s really important to have a good photographer on occasions like this. A distorted visual image created by a less experienced photographer could ruin their shiny-white reputation, the business men know it well.
After healing the hangover the friends get a bit elevated. They head to the nearest graffiti-covered wall to pose for the photographer (me) pretending that they are dancers. Artur, a fashionable TLV choreographer, shows up. He only moves a finger slightly to point out some minor hiccups in otherwise perfect dance routine. Vitalik dances like crazy, hitting the walls with his chest. Lyosha dances like crazy, hitting the floor with his butt. Fedya dances like crazy, hitting the air with his hair. Everyone dances like crazy. Next to a nearby dump, a rat and a chasing her cat both freeze in the jump, shocked by the unforgettable performance.
Tired of dancing and of their own hot pulsing energy, the men walk to the DAVAI Tower. Vitalik rides his luxury three-wheeler, he hates being seen walking like a poorman.
A brand new idea comes to their minds as perfectly conditioned air of the crystal-clean office touches their faces.
They want to break the rules today. They want to turn - just for one day! - their dull money-making factory they’re accustomed to, into a real muddy mess. They want to free themselves from the formalities of the business life. They decide to invite to their office a real Swedish death metal band! They call their Stockholm partner from GRUNDTAL/NORVIKKEN group, which in turn immediately gets in touch with the band’s senior producer, and half an hour later a private GRUNDTAL/NORVIKKEN jet with the dirty death metal musicians onboard is dissecting a freezing Scandinavian air.
[The band didn’t want their name published for understandable reasons.]
Waiting for the miracle to come
While waiting for the musicians, Lyosha, Vitalik and Fedya cook themselves some delicious hummus-filled pita sandwiches, something only affordable for TLV VIPs these days.
The loud, crashing, detonating fun is all they are looking for, and the Swedes don’t disappoint. At the peak of the performance two of the musicians even gouge their eyes right in front of the DAVAI leaders! They get paid enormous money, so they don’t care about losing their eyes. They want to please by shocking, they want to indulge by screaming and growling. Dust and smoke, extraordinary decorations and real demolition of the office walls make Lyosha, Vitalik and Fedya chuckle in total satisfaction.
Time passes, another night is approaching, and DAVAI top managers want to make it even more unforgettable than the morning and afternoon. What could possibly wish someone who obtains everything in the world by a simple snap of two fingers? Of course, love! Pure, sincere, overwhelming, the type of love a human can get only as a child. So they go for it. They order an exclusive entertainment - a time machine which turns them into cute little toddlers who own a tit of gigantic size. Tit jumping is something Vitaly, Lyosha and Fedya would love to practice more often, but the price is so astronomically high, that even these multi-billionaires can only afford it once a year. The three get a special entrance permit to a closed-off secret area where they get what they want. Pink Tel Aviv sunset serves a perfect backdrop. Pink ridiculously large tit makes the men totally happy. Oh yes, it made sense to work that hard all year long to get this golden hour of tit jumping. It paid off, no doubt.
Blessed and exhausted, Vitalik, Fedya and Lyosha jump off the tit and jump into Fedya’s cabrio. They speed back to DAVAI tower to wrap up the day. Unfortunate, poor, somewhat happy, drunk, wasted, amorous, angry, tired, energetic, abused, scared, melancholic, doomed - all kinds of Tel Aviv humans they pass as they rush through the night streets, but they meet no one nearly as accomplished as they are!
The day ends in the office. By this hour it’s already renovated and shiny clean again. Vitalik pulls out a crispy bottle of Absolut vodka from the fridge. He swears that it’s not fake this time. How he knows? Because he paid a big buck, 80 NIS for the litre. Lyosha drags out pickles from his bag. Fedya tries to find something to put on the table, too, but fails: a half of pita bread which he hides in the plastic bag will serve him a late night dinner and maybe a breakfast, too.
At midnight, sharp, Vitalik, Lyosha and Fedya will go to the TLV waste lands to dig out a few millions from the ground to survive through the next week.
